Jonah is 6!

Jonah just had his birthday. This year I made him a pirate ship cake. It was so fun to do!

Silly Simon

Yesterday Simon was outside and came running in the house just laughing. He said that I had to come out and see. He said "It's so funny, there is a sun and a moon!". I was in the middle of something and couldn't go out right then and told him so. He turned around to go back outside and just was laughing his little head off. A little while later I went out to check on him and he immediately started laughing again. He pointed to the moon and then to the sun and repeated what he said earlier. I don't know why he thought that was so funny, but I have never seen him laugh so hard over something like that. It just made me laugh! I was amazed that he understood that there should only be one of the out at a time. He is such a goof ball!

What a weekend!

Well, it was both a good and a bad weekend. Saturday was awesome. Travis got a babysitter and took me 4 wheeling. It was so much fun! We just went to 5 mile pass, but we explored places that we have never been before. We found a trail called Rattlesnake something and started to follow it. Pretty soon we turned around because there was huge rocks that we didn't think we could get over. We went around the mountain and there we found some old mine shafts. They are covered over with cement and rebar, but you can still look all the way down them. It was very interesting. They all had little markers on them saying when they were opened and closed. One of them was from 1789. Anyway, we decided to head back and took a different trail then we had taken coming in. It didn't take us to long to realize that we somehow got back onto the Rattlesnake. There were huge rocks that we were climbing over, and at this point we were to far in to turn around. The road was to narrow to do so. So, we trudged along. It was fun but pretty intense for both of us. At one point, there was a jeep that was coming up the other direction. I was in the middle of the road stuck on a rock. Travis was ahead of me. I finally got unstuck, but then had no where to go because the Jeep had pulled up so close to me. So I started to inch forward and soon realized that because of the sloop that I was forced to be on that I was going to ram right into this guys jeep. So I gunned it! I made it past his jeep and only hit the very back fender that sticks out over his wheel. Travis talked to him and he wasn't worried at all about it. It left a tiny scratch, but didn't really damage it. I was grateful for that, and mostly grateful that I didn't get squished between my 4 wheeler and his jeep. All in all, it was a great day.
When we were done 4 wheeling, we went and got the kids and then Travis took me to Walmart to let me pick out an outfit for mothers day. It was thoughtful of him, but not a fun experience. The kids were tired and ornery. They were trying to be helpful however and picked out some clothes for me to try on. They were all Hannah Montana shirts, that were to small, but I guess they were trying.
That brings me to Sunday. Mothers Day. Which I don't have a whole lot of good to say about, but isn't that how it usually goes? I use to have horrible Mothers Days because I wasn't a mother and wanted to be one so bad. Now that I am one I realize just how unappreciated mothers feel. I did get to actually listen to Sacrament meeting because Simon has a nasty eye infection and so Travis stayed home with the boys. I was there by myself. The priest spoke and did a great job honoring mothers. I also got to go to Relief Society which was a huge treat! I have not been to Relief Society for over a year! It was really nice. They also honored us as women and made me feel very special.
When I got home to my very messy house, the boys gave me a CD. It was a nice gift. I tried to get them to give me a huge and hoped they would tell me that they loved me, but they are boys and that was just to much for them to bother with. Anyway, I am trying very hard to only say the positive things of this day, so that I can remember it better. However, I have to say that as a mom, all I really need and want on Mothers day is to be loved and honored. I appreciate the gifts that were given me, but I would have preferred to have somebody, namely my husband and kids to just tell me they love me and why. Tell me that I am a good mom, and why. I just don't get to hear that enough. Anyway, I read something that somebody posted on a site that I go to and I decided that I need to change my perspective so that I will not have any more horrible Mothers days. I will post some of what I read. "How about a little different perspective. I decided several years ago that if I wanted to celebrate Mother's Day, I must be an active participant. One year I served my children and husband breakfast in bed because I wanted to show them I was happy and proud to be a mom. One year I completed their chores and gave them the day off because I wanted to show them that I am glad to have children. They surprised me with homemade gifts and lots of hugs. Those are the Mother's Day moments I have very fond memories of. Why sit around and wait to be disappointed because your family doesn't meet your expectations on "your" day. It's all a matter of attitude." So, I think I will try this next year. Maybe it will make it a more memorable day for us all!

Pictures of my kids

You will notice that none of these pictures are real great. For some reason my boys will not smile for pictures anymore. They just pull funny faces. Simon is the worst. It drives me crazy!

This is Jonah at his bug program at school.

Simon got himself dressed today. Can you tell? He was so proud of the clothes that he picked! He wanted me to tell him over and over how handsome he looked. To cute!


Luke is the only one that will smile sometimes. Unfortunately he is naked in this picture.

Adoption, Something close to my heart!

The following is an article that I wrote to submit to be published in a book of complied stories about adoption.

We were a young couple, married for only a few years when we decided it was time to start our family. Little did we know it would take more then we thought to make that happen. After trying for a year to get pregnant with no results we sought out help and soon found out that our chances to get pregnant, even with help from IVF, were only 2%. It was devastating. It didn’t take us long however, to realize that the Lord had different plans for us.

We soon started the adoption process and boy was it a process. We were surprised to find out all that it entailed. It took us about 6 months to complete the process.

Our first sons adoption was such a surprise to us. Everything happened so fast! We found out that we were choosen and two days later his birth mom was unexpectedly induced early because of complications. We got to meet her for the first time after she was released from the hospital. Jonah was at the agency with a worker, but we could not meet him yet. We had such a wonderful time getting to know our beautiful birth mom. She was so sweet and kind. We felt and instant love and connection to her. Like we had known each other forever. We left that night elated and could not wait to see her again the next day when we would get to go back and finally meet our son. Little did we know just how hard it would be. When we went back the next day, we talked more with our birth mom and then she left the room. She was only gone for a few minutes, but it seemed much longer. Then she came in with Jonah. He was so little. Our birth mom had tears in her eyes and her face was red from crying. She handed him to me and a myriad of emotions enfolded me. I knew that this baby was mine. I knew he was meant to be in our family, and that the Lord had saved him just for us! I loved him instantly! I was so happy! And as much as I was thrilled that I finally had my baby after so many years of waiting for this moment, I was sad. I was filled with grief because I knew that by taking this sweet baby home with me, I was breaking someone’s heart. Someone that I hadn’t known very long, but that I loved. And the most amazing thing to me was that she was not thinking about her pain, but only our happiness. She wanted more than anything to know that we were happy. There were a lot of tears shed that night as we sat and talked and as she showed us all of the things that she had learned and loved about her son in the short time that she got to be with him.

Our second son, Simon, was a totally different story. We waited forever to get him. Ok, it was really only 2 ½ years, but it seemed like forever. The really interesting thing about his adoption is that everything really went very smooth. It was all of the stuff in between that was hard. You know the waiting period. The not knowing what direction you should take. The endless comments from people about how they heard that this agency, or that agency has babies that are just waiting to be adopted, only to find out that they charge way too much, or they really don’t have children “just waiting”. Add to that the realization that I still felt empty and didn’t know why. I loved Jonah and he very much filled a place in my heart, but something still just wasn’t right. I believe that one if the biggest things that people don’t understand about adoption, is that it takes the pain away from wanting a child and being a parent, but it doesn’t take away the feeling of loss that you feel as a woman for something that is innately yours, that of being able to get pregnant and feel that baby inside you. It does get easier, knowing that I will never carry a baby in my body, but I don’t think that pain will ever fully go away. You can only start to heal, when you recognize what is going on. My sweet Simon was the start to that recognition and healing.

We found out about him three months before he was born. Boy was that a long time to know he was coming! We got to meet with his sweet birth mom several times before he was actually born. We got to know her well and we loved when we got to see her. She made Simon a blanket and sent home many gifts for him. When Simon was placed with us, it was easier then with Jonah. Maybe because we had done it before and we knew more what to expect. Maybe because we knew his birth mom better then we had been able to get to know Jonah’s. Maybe we had all had more time to prepare for this day. No matter what the reason it was nice. We were able to focus more on Simon and talk more with his birth mom without as many tears. We were also able to meet Simon’s birth dad. That was an experience that we hadn’t had before and we were grateful for that opportunity. Simon was born just a few weeks before Christmas. He is the most wonderful Christmas gift that I have ever received.

Luke’s adoption was different for us in many respects. We actually were not planning on adopting more. We wanted more children, but we didn’t want to go through the process again. It was just to hard to think about. But Heavenly Father had different plans for us. He knew there was more children that were supposed to come to our family. He soon let us know that there was another and that we needed to be prepared. Not soon after that, we were approached by someone we knew and she told us she was pregnant and wanted to know if we would adopt her baby. So the process started again, but was much smoother this time. We got to see Luke’s birth mom periodically throughout her pregnancy. It was nice to spend time with her and even nicer to get to know her better. She invited us to the hospital to be there when Luke was born. That was an amazing experience. I will always be grateful to her for that. I have never seen one of my children just minutes after being born and I will never forget the experiences that I was able to have with him. I got to go into the nursery and watch him get his first bath. I got to feed him his very first bottle. I got to just sit and hold him in his birth mom’s hospital room and talk with her about him. The most fun part of Luke’s adoption is that we didn’t tell our families about him. It was so fun to just show up with him and surprise everybody.

Heavenly Father has blessed us with the knowledge that there is another child that will join our family. We are not sure when or how yet. But we are so happy to know that we will be blessed with more.

Each one of my children has added something wonderful to my life. Jonah has taught me patience and the true meaning of being sympathetic. He is such a strong spirit that needs to be held and loved. Simon has taught me the importance of being happy and having fun. He is the clown of our family and can always make me laugh with either his antics or just his contagious laugh. Luke has taught me love. I never knew that one small child could carry as much love in him as he does. And he gives the best hugs.

In turn, each of their birth moms has taught me something equally important. That of complete unselfishness and of a true love that goes beyond ones self. What wonderful people birth parents are. Without them, I would not have my family. They hold such a special place in my heart!

Explaining the picture

So, this picture I posted of me is pretty much how I always feel. Being a mom does that to you. You are always tired. And yet, I love what I do. I love my boys! I love being at home with my boys! It is so rewarding. I want to know how it is that we as moms can keep pushing on. How, even though we are tired, and worn out, and many days just plane frustrated with everything, we keep wanting and asking for more?
My husband especially cannot understand this. When I tell him there are more children that are supposed to be in our family he says, "We are busy enough with the one's that we have". He knows that I am always right in these matters and yet he will not submit to the idea just yet. He just doesn't see how we will manage. He doesn't understand that as a mom, it doesn't matter. We keep pushing and running to manage everything.
Now I tell him that I want to home school our oldest that is struggling greatly in school. He is only in Kindergarten. He has ADHD and is hard to manage at home as it is. But something inside tells me it is the right thing to do for him. So, I am researching it and finding that I really like the idea. One more thing to add to the plate and yet it is exciting to me to know that I will be able to spend more time with him. That I will be the one who is truly molding him into what I want him to be and what I think is important for him to learn. I will be able to help him in a way that no body else can!
So the days of being tired will drag on. Adding two more busy yet wonderful things to my plate. There seems to be no end in sight, but I would not have it any other way!

I had this fabulous idea

I had this fabulous idea to start blogging. The problem is, I'm not really sure how to do it, or what to say. I have all these ideas, but I'm not sure how to organize them. So, I will figure it out slowly and eventually, hopefully it will be something worth reading.