Adoption, Something close to my heart!

The following is an article that I wrote to submit to be published in a book of complied stories about adoption.

We were a young couple, married for only a few years when we decided it was time to start our family. Little did we know it would take more then we thought to make that happen. After trying for a year to get pregnant with no results we sought out help and soon found out that our chances to get pregnant, even with help from IVF, were only 2%. It was devastating. It didn’t take us long however, to realize that the Lord had different plans for us.

We soon started the adoption process and boy was it a process. We were surprised to find out all that it entailed. It took us about 6 months to complete the process.

Our first sons adoption was such a surprise to us. Everything happened so fast! We found out that we were choosen and two days later his birth mom was unexpectedly induced early because of complications. We got to meet her for the first time after she was released from the hospital. Jonah was at the agency with a worker, but we could not meet him yet. We had such a wonderful time getting to know our beautiful birth mom. She was so sweet and kind. We felt and instant love and connection to her. Like we had known each other forever. We left that night elated and could not wait to see her again the next day when we would get to go back and finally meet our son. Little did we know just how hard it would be. When we went back the next day, we talked more with our birth mom and then she left the room. She was only gone for a few minutes, but it seemed much longer. Then she came in with Jonah. He was so little. Our birth mom had tears in her eyes and her face was red from crying. She handed him to me and a myriad of emotions enfolded me. I knew that this baby was mine. I knew he was meant to be in our family, and that the Lord had saved him just for us! I loved him instantly! I was so happy! And as much as I was thrilled that I finally had my baby after so many years of waiting for this moment, I was sad. I was filled with grief because I knew that by taking this sweet baby home with me, I was breaking someone’s heart. Someone that I hadn’t known very long, but that I loved. And the most amazing thing to me was that she was not thinking about her pain, but only our happiness. She wanted more than anything to know that we were happy. There were a lot of tears shed that night as we sat and talked and as she showed us all of the things that she had learned and loved about her son in the short time that she got to be with him.

Our second son, Simon, was a totally different story. We waited forever to get him. Ok, it was really only 2 ½ years, but it seemed like forever. The really interesting thing about his adoption is that everything really went very smooth. It was all of the stuff in between that was hard. You know the waiting period. The not knowing what direction you should take. The endless comments from people about how they heard that this agency, or that agency has babies that are just waiting to be adopted, only to find out that they charge way too much, or they really don’t have children “just waiting”. Add to that the realization that I still felt empty and didn’t know why. I loved Jonah and he very much filled a place in my heart, but something still just wasn’t right. I believe that one if the biggest things that people don’t understand about adoption, is that it takes the pain away from wanting a child and being a parent, but it doesn’t take away the feeling of loss that you feel as a woman for something that is innately yours, that of being able to get pregnant and feel that baby inside you. It does get easier, knowing that I will never carry a baby in my body, but I don’t think that pain will ever fully go away. You can only start to heal, when you recognize what is going on. My sweet Simon was the start to that recognition and healing.

We found out about him three months before he was born. Boy was that a long time to know he was coming! We got to meet with his sweet birth mom several times before he was actually born. We got to know her well and we loved when we got to see her. She made Simon a blanket and sent home many gifts for him. When Simon was placed with us, it was easier then with Jonah. Maybe because we had done it before and we knew more what to expect. Maybe because we knew his birth mom better then we had been able to get to know Jonah’s. Maybe we had all had more time to prepare for this day. No matter what the reason it was nice. We were able to focus more on Simon and talk more with his birth mom without as many tears. We were also able to meet Simon’s birth dad. That was an experience that we hadn’t had before and we were grateful for that opportunity. Simon was born just a few weeks before Christmas. He is the most wonderful Christmas gift that I have ever received.

Luke’s adoption was different for us in many respects. We actually were not planning on adopting more. We wanted more children, but we didn’t want to go through the process again. It was just to hard to think about. But Heavenly Father had different plans for us. He knew there was more children that were supposed to come to our family. He soon let us know that there was another and that we needed to be prepared. Not soon after that, we were approached by someone we knew and she told us she was pregnant and wanted to know if we would adopt her baby. So the process started again, but was much smoother this time. We got to see Luke’s birth mom periodically throughout her pregnancy. It was nice to spend time with her and even nicer to get to know her better. She invited us to the hospital to be there when Luke was born. That was an amazing experience. I will always be grateful to her for that. I have never seen one of my children just minutes after being born and I will never forget the experiences that I was able to have with him. I got to go into the nursery and watch him get his first bath. I got to feed him his very first bottle. I got to just sit and hold him in his birth mom’s hospital room and talk with her about him. The most fun part of Luke’s adoption is that we didn’t tell our families about him. It was so fun to just show up with him and surprise everybody.

Heavenly Father has blessed us with the knowledge that there is another child that will join our family. We are not sure when or how yet. But we are so happy to know that we will be blessed with more.

Each one of my children has added something wonderful to my life. Jonah has taught me patience and the true meaning of being sympathetic. He is such a strong spirit that needs to be held and loved. Simon has taught me the importance of being happy and having fun. He is the clown of our family and can always make me laugh with either his antics or just his contagious laugh. Luke has taught me love. I never knew that one small child could carry as much love in him as he does. And he gives the best hugs.

In turn, each of their birth moms has taught me something equally important. That of complete unselfishness and of a true love that goes beyond ones self. What wonderful people birth parents are. Without them, I would not have my family. They hold such a special place in my heart!